The more than likely unawaited Midwestern Review

Despite Mr. Boucher's groundless accusations, I did go into the listening with an open mind. Just thought I'd say that up front....

Hanoi Rocks – Bad. Actually, this transcends bad into new realms of badness rarely seen by the likes of this listening group (see Lovage). Performs the almost amazing feat of making the Demon CD comparatively sound like “London Calling”. Bad even when compared with other similarly bad CDs of its time, like Twisted Sister or Warrant. To call these bad lyrics sophomoric is to give them far more credit than they deserve (Ex: “Welcome to the ocean, welcome to the sea, welcome to the jungle deep inside of me”). John Fogerty has grounds for a defamation of character lawsuit for the unbearably bad cover of “Around the Bend”. I mean, how do you f’ up a Credence Cover??? After listening, I wrote my Congressman to call for a tightening of immigration as it pertains to Finnish musicians. If I were cruel, I would say that its too bad Vince Neil wasn’t driving a minivan with the whole band in it. Fortunately, I am not cruel. This one is a shutout, 0 stars.

Chemical Brothers – Good name for the band, because it would take some serious chemicals brothers (and sister) to find anything positive to say about this CD. I found a lot of the disc to be repetitive. I can’t recommend it for anyone not on ecstasy in a dark nightclub. I found a lot of this disc to be repetitive. Can anyone really tell the difference between some of these tracks, particularly the title cut and “Elektro Bank”? I was never sure where one alleged song ended and another one began, except for “Where Do I Begin” which is almost listenable. I thought a lot of the alleged songs were repetitive. The highlight of the disc is the great whistle blowing on the title track, probably the best damn whistle blowing I’ve heard since Donna Summer’s’ “Bad Girls”. It seemed to me most of this was repetitive. Electronic music needs to have at least a little human soul, and this disc has none. A lot of it is repetitive. In the end, I took the title literally. I dug my own hole. Then I put this disc in and covered it up. A lot of it was repetitive. 0 stars.

Peter Gabriel – Interesting to contrast this 1980 release with what Genesis is doing at the time. While they are beginning their slide into Phil Collins top 40 hell, Gabriel is putting out his most adventurous solo disc to date. “Intruder” is dark and disturbing musically and lyrically, and the tension continues to build through the next cut, “No Self Control”. “I Don’t Remember” is the highlight of the disc for me, Fripp’s great guitar work and Tony Levin’s smooth bass work carry the song. 25 years later, I still have no idea what “Games Without Frontiers” is about, but it is a brilliantly done song. Gabriel’s vocals throughout the disc are impeccable as always, and the production is top notch. Because he works so infrequently, it is easy for me to forget about Peter Gabriel, but putting this one on was a reminder of what a great talent he is. 3 ½ stars.

The Call – Much of it sounds very dated, like watching “The Breakfast Club” on TBS for the 600th time. “The Walls Came Down” is a great track, a (for me) forgotten 80’s classic. I never got the biblical reference behind the lyrics before, those Bible study classes are paying dividends. “Let the Day Begin” is a dandy as well. I’m not sure that even back in the 80’s I could tell them apart from early INXS, The Fixx or Simple Minds, and this disc doesn’t do much to distinguish them. A big problem I have with it is that damn 80’s synthy drum sound on every track and the ELO-ish keyboard flourishes. I suspect that a stripped down version of these songs would be really good, as the vocalist is more than adequate, guitarist has good chops, etc. Just a little too 80’s sounding for me, it didn’t hold up well through the years. 2 stars.


Question

The Commandments for Touring Bands:

1) Thou shalt not rapeth the customer. Yes, Bono, Bruce this one is especially for you. Any artist(s) charging 3 digits to see them shall be shot, no questions asked. For Bruce to charge 90 bones for a solo acoustic performance is a crock of crap, particularly in light of the fact that I paid $65 2 years ago to see the entire band, and paid $40 about 5 years ago for the last solo show. Don’t give me that “intimate” setting BS either. Putting a big black curtain in back of the stage and around the upper deck and lighting a few candles makes an arena “intimate” the way my spraying Lysol makes the bathroom “fragrant” when I’m done.

2) If thou must useth an opening act, they must not sucketh. The Drive By Truckers, who had a local country act open for them, broke this commandment most recently. The warmup act, whose name I have blocked from my memory, was unbearable, and in fact not only did a cover of “Chevy Van”, but also “I Can See Clearly Now”. I came dangerously close to coming to fisticuffs with 2 members of said band’s family, who were not happy to hear the derogatory comments I hurled the bands way.

3) Thou shall playeth for at least 90 minutes without a break. Come on, if the Stones can play for 2 hours plus at their geriatric age, this one should not be a problem.

4) Thou shalt not attempt to have audience sing-a-longs. We paid the money to hear you sing. The opening verse of “Thunder Road” is exempt from said commandment.

5) Thine set-list shall vary nightly and thou shalt do at least one unexpected cover song during the encores. Thou may playest all of thine hits, but thou shalt not limit thine repertoire to only the hits.

I found Jen’s questioning of whether the commandments were for the performers or the audience to be a good one, and have taken it upon myself to assemble the 5 Audience Commandments:

1) Thou shalt remain sober enough to make it through the show without staggering into, spilling a drink, or puking on thine neighbors. Is this really a lot to ask??? Thou shalt be restricted to one beer/potty break. Sorry, Ken.

2) Thall shalt shutteth the fuck up during the performance. If thou must converse, taketh thine ass out to the lobby or street. Additionally, thou shalt not singeth along (except of course, the first verse of “Thunder Road”). Yes, we are impressed that you know all the words to all the songs. Feel free to move your lips and pretend you are singing. You know, like when you’re in church.

3) Thou shalt not yell out requests unless formally invited to do so. This ties in very closely with rule #1. The last time I saw Steve Earle, some drunk took every quiet moment as an opportunity to yell “Copperhead Road”! Dude, I think Steve knows people might want to hear that one….Anyone yelling “Freebird” at any point during any show will be summarily locked in a room and forced to actually listen to that Godawful song for a minimum of 24 consecutive hours. It might have been funny 10 years ago, it isn’t anymore.

4) If thou art attending a club performance with limited seating and “tight quarters”, thou shall hath bathed or showered in the previous 12 hours and applied a liberal coat of deodorant. “Jam band” fans are required to go for 2 coats as well as a thorough shampooing.

5) Thou shalt not yell at people to “sit down”. As my favorite alleged child pornster Pete T says, “It’s a f’ing rock concert, not an opera.” Again, Jagger & Richards are 60+. Get off your ass; it will likely do you some good.